MONDAY MESSAGE FOR THE DEPRESSED 8




A family I met in one of the places I worked as a seminarian had a devastating experience that I believe is still affecting them. After 5 years of marriage without child birth, God later blessed them with a son after many years of prayers, suffering and even abuses from friends. It happened on that fateful evening, the mother sent his only son on an errand, only to see his son come back to the house as a corpse. While trying to cross the road, he was hit by a car. It was a highly devastating experience. The family refused to be consoled. It was just painful seeing the mother cry and at the same time listing all the plights she underwent in the hands of neighbours because of lack of child bearing. There were no words of comfort. Family and friends consoled and consoled, many hovered over them for months, empathizing with them in their grief, all efforts proved fruitless. It was really painful to see the only child go like that.

Whenever the name of the boy was mentioned either in the church or meeting, the mother will start to cry uncontrollably, her eyes always well with tears and her mourning will start again. Anytime an encourager bravely attempted to lift the couple’s spirit, their efforts were met with sullen faces and a barrage of insults. “You don’t just know what it is like, to lose an only child after many years of childlessness” the father said one day. I visited this family many years after; I discovered this family was still languishing in pains and difficulties, with the father in a very critical condition. Why this? I asked. The situation was a difficult one, and they refused to let it go. Instead of meeting improvement, I met a worse condition.

Immediately the mother saw me, she started crying bitterly and at this time pointing to the sickly condition of the beloved husband. The father took time to tell me how God has abandoned them, it was then, it dawned to me what pain can cause in the life of any individual. It can make you lose total faith in God. ” Pray you never encounter any painful moment in your life” became my advice to many.

My beloved, if you had something painful happen to you, don’t let that experience be the focal point of your life. It is understandable to react negatively but never let it control you for long. Let that pain go. Stop talking about it; stop bringing it up to your friends. You have to get beyond it. Unless you let go of the old, the new one may not come. It is natural to feel the sorrow and grieve but if you really want to be whole, if you really want to eat well, you have to let the pain go and move on with your life.

Too often we keep reliving the painful memories of the past, negating Gods desire to heal our wounds. Just as the wound is about to heal, we begin to talk about it again and again. We bring it up again to our friends, we start reliving it, seeing it in our imagination. All of a sudden we begin to feel those emotions again and again, thereby reopening an already bandaged wound.  No wound will properly heal if we constantly reopen it. Whenever you dwell on a painful experience, you begin again to feel the pains and then you get hurt, disappointed and angry again.

May be you lost some one so dear to you, somebody you so much trusted betrayed you, your wife/husband walked out on you, betrayed you and even divorced you after many years of struggling together, may be a brother or friend you helped paid you back with evil, may be someone gave you a heartbreak, you failed an exam you suppose to pass, or maybe you lost a business opportunity, your boss in whom you trusted dealt with you, and many more. These experiences and many more cannot but put you in an emotional trauma. It may go a long way to affect you psychologically and at the same time affect all you do. If time is not taken it may affect your health and give you sleepless nights.

Beloved if you really want a turn over or a change in your life, let that pain go. If you want to be free, if you want to overcome self pity, throw away those depressing situations. I understand how you feel. It is not easy but you cannot make it well dwelling on these experiences again and again. Instead of keeping your mind on the bad things that have happened to you, keep your mind focused on the good things God has done in your life.

You might be saying “I just don’t understand why this is happening to me, I don’t understand this sickness, why did my loved one betray me? Why did God allow him or her to die? Why did my marriage break apart? Why was I raised in such a poor and abusive environment? You may never know the answer. But don’t use that as an excuse to wallow in self pity. Leave it alone, get up and move on with your life. Many of the “why” questions will remain a conundrum, but trust in God and accept the fact that there will be some unanswered questions. Just because you don’t know the answer doesn’t mean that one does not exist.  Move on with your life.